13 Practice the “three Cs” As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, and communicate. Choose: Choose what’s best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” says Julie. Make choices about what you can attend, join, and do—and what you can’t—to help reinstate some of that loss of control. Connect: “We’re wired for connection,” says Julie. And grief intensifies feelings of loneliness, which often leads to isolation. It’s difficult but important to not remove yourself from others’ lives. “No one wants to constantly hear ‘How are you doing?’ But it’s important not to fake it when you’re asked,” Julie says. That honesty will help you and will help others help you. Communicate: “Put your needs out there. Say to others, ‘This is going to be awkward or weird, but this is what I need,’” says Julie. “Let folks know how you plan to respond to others who ask, ‘How are you doing?’’’ The greatest difficulty with this, cautions Julie, is the vulnerability it requires. Communicating however you can to your friends and family will help them know how best to come alongside you, especially when grief arrives. “And in those moments of breakdown or confusion, talk about it,” says Julie. “It’s how we heal.” Move toward healing Grief hurts. The only thing that will make it worse is to hide or mask your grief. Instead, Julie invites anyone who is grieving to remember that grief is difficult—and that’s enough. Don’t be someone you’re not. You are not a burden. You’re a person navigating loss, like many others. You may not feel like yourself quite yet, but you can take baby steps toward healing. WE’RE JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY To learn more about Kettering Health’s counseling services or to schedule an outpatient appointment, visit ketteringhealth.org/mentalhealth or call 1-855-472-0134. Don’t be someone you’re not. You are not a burden. You’re a person navigating loss, like many others.
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